PB2K: Uses 2801-2900

Uses 2101-2200

Silences sticky drawers.
Put some in your drawers.
Put some in your boxers.
Load up your jockies.
Fingerpaint on your TV.
When the evening news comes on, make mustaches for Dan Rather.
Make new features for Mr. Potato Head.
"Chunky Peanut Butter" would make a great texture in Photoshop...
Grate it.
Add grated lemon peel to it for that "zesty" taste!
Peanut butter burritos!
Add radioactive tritium to the mix, and form nebulae on the ceiling to go with your glow-in-the dark stars.
Scent your scarves wth it.
If the streetlight shines in the window, put a bit of PB on the glass so you can get some sleep.
Mute your alarm clock.
Build a peanut butter launcher using a condom strapped to a paper towel tube with a rubber band. Put the PB in the condom, and stretch it through the tube to about 18-24 inches. Aim and release the condom--the peeanut butter will fly about 10 feet, if done right. Don't ask how I know this, OK?
Smear it between your toes to prevent athelete's foot.
Put some under your fingernails before you do any gardening so that you won't get dirt under your fingernails.
Put it on the witness stand.
Read it it's rights.
Place it under citizen's arrest.
Have it as your last meal.
Have it for breakfast.
Don't have a cow, dude, have a peanut butter!
Put peanut butter on the plastic slides at playgrounds so that you don't get shocked from the static electricity every time you catch your child at the bottom of the slide.
Use it as a secret material in an egg-drop contest.
Use it as a secret ingredient in egg-drop soup.
Add some to your bread machine mix instad of butter.
Coat broken guitar strings with PB. Flagellate yourself.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Bathtub full of blue peanut butter.
Use it to save face.
Pickle it.
Tickle it.
Take a sickle to it.
Pay a nickle for it.
Chrome plate it.
Use it to fill in sun spots.
Use it to connect the dots.
Give it to the girl for whom you have the hots.
Boil it with kumquats.
Seal off manhole covers with it. Report to the janitor that the area has been secured.
Once you've finished a jigsaw puzzle, coat the back of the puzzle with peanut butter, so that th pieces will expand and lock together.
Not only that, it makes it really easy to hang on the wall--just stick it on!
Wait for it.
Fill your maracas with it so that they don't make that annoying rattling.
Nothing says "I love you" like a jar of peanut butter on Valentine's Day.
Give her peanut butter--she'll pretty much have to!
The latest and greatest in the Pizza Hut buffet--Peanut butter pizza. (Hey, can't be any worse than the barbcue chicken pizza...)
Use it to "give new life to old gasket seals!"
They have aerosol cheese and crackers, why not aerosol peanut butter and crackers?
Throw some into a well. Make a wish.
Hang some over the door for good luck.
Put it into orbit.
Add cinnamon sugar. Spread on toast.
Add it to sloppy joes to keep them from being so sloppy.
Peanut fried eggs, anyone?
Add PB to accordions and harmonicas to silence them. Forever.
Add a full container of MSG (available in the spice section) to a peanut butter sandwich, and serve to your intended victim. Produces a lethal heart attack within 24 hours. Or so I'm told. I certainy don't plan on trying it, and I hope you don't, either.
Use it to mark off items on your grocery list.
Freeze some into a puck and play hockey on the frozen lakes.
Spread some out on a board and make designs in it with a miniature rake.
Sculpt lawn oraments out of it.
Mold some into a rounded shape and sprinkle sesame seeds on top. Sneak it into the bread bin at McDonald's.
Drop little globs of it onto paper, fold them in half, and get people to guess what they are. Take notes, shaking your head sadly.
Make your own brown paper by spreading peanut butter on plain typing paper and ironing it.
Secretly suck all the cream out of a bunch of Twinkies. Replace with foamed peanut butter.
Most American PB maufacturers cut the nibs off of each peanut so that the peanut butter wont't get rancid. Find/purchase/steal this supply of nibs, and make a batch of the most rancid PB you can imagine...
No drapes? Coat your curtains with peanut butter!
Drip melted peanut butter down the side of a wine bottle for an "old world" table centerpiece.
Two words: burnt offering.
No tampon? seal the "leak" temporarily unti you can get to the machine in the ladies' room.
If your cube mate listens to country music, you can replace her batteries with PB to make the noise go away.
Leave some in small bowls to extinguish cigarettes in.
Leave some large vats to extinguish smokers in.
Insist that PB is a valid Scrabble word because it doesn't have any periods in it.
1 Cup Tomato Juice
2 oz. Vodka or dry gin
1 lump peanut butter...
Voila! The bloody bowel!
Add some chewing tobacco to a large wad of peanut butter, and keep in your cheek to keep you awake. The peanut butter might improve the taste of the tobacco. Don't ask me, I don't know.
Smear it on your body. This assures that you won't have to share it with anyone.
Stuff road kill with it. Use old jars as a base to mount them on.
Drill holes in a cucumber, and fill them with peanut butter. Why? Why not?
Drill holes in peanut butter and shove cucumbers into them, all the while muttering nasty things about Georgia O'Keefe.
Go to Mt. St. Helens, or some recently active volcano, and secretly set up several thousand tons of peanut butter just above an equal amount of explosives in the maw of the volcano. See how much people panic when they hear the explosion and see molten peanut butter falling out of the sky.
Store your laptop and cell phone batteries in it to keep them fresh.
Peanut Butter: The Ultimate Source of Stick-to-it-ive-ness!
Finally get around to sculpting yourself a round Tuit.
Make a few square and octagoal Tuits out of peanut butter, while you're at it. See why the round ones are so preferable.
(A)bort, (R)etry, (E)at a peanut butter sandwich?
Use peanut butter as a bookmark...for your favorite web sites.
Fill pokмalls with it and give to children. Tell them its the sign of a great Pokчon master
Show it to your betta fish. Watch him puff up and prepare to fight it.
Take bets about which would win in a fight, the betta or the peanut butter...
Mmmm... a ham, lettuce, cheese, and peanut butter sandwich!
Make a video of yourself dressed as the "peanut butter wizard" and send it to Space Ghost.
Blow it out a pea shooter. (Keep trying.)
When UPS asks you to sign for a package, smear their sign screen with peanut butter.
Peanut butter mosh pit: go home with other people's peanut butter on you!
Write your city alderman and complain that there is not enough peanut butter in the drinking water.
Crush a peanut buttter jar on your forehead to show how much of a man you are! (Chicks dig that, too, you know.)
Peanut butter (grunt!) What is it good for- absolutely nothing...
Viewing of any type of peanut butter in the computer lab is absolutely prohibited.

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