PB2K: Uses 2701-2800

Uses 2701-2800

Great with lox and bagels....
If your pet turtle refuses to come out of his shell, teach him a lesson--fill his holes with peanut butter.
Mix with lightning bugs and make your peanut butter glow in the dark!
If you're allergic to mangos, eat peanut butter.
Lost your guitar pick? Strum with peanut butter!
Defend yourself in a dark alley with it.
Spank it.
Pit fire it.
Melt some and go Jackson Pollock on everybody!
Hide it instead of Easter eggs. Hide it reeeeaaaaalllly well.
Replace your roommate's G3 with it. Tell him you upgraded his system to a GPB.
Send it to the IRS if they audit you (red stoplight!)
Warn the world of the imminent doom of the PBK bug.
Buy peanut butter stock.
Use it as a highlighter in your Shakespeare anthology.
Wax your monolith. (If this is another euphemism for masturbation, I'm going postal. --Andy)
Build a web page shrine to it.
Build as many web page shrines as possible in Geocities about peanut butter. (Be sure to put "under construction" on all of them.)
If you're scared of the roller coasters, take your peanut butter with you to clutch tightly during the scary parts.
Watch your peanut butter instead of watching the entire run of Twin Peaks.
Get Woody Allen to do a self-afflicting documentary about peanut butter and his childhood experiences with the substance.
Go to your local grocery store with your empty jar and ask for a free refill.
Throw it as faaaaaaaaaar as you can.
Take it to your self-help group and announce your peanut butter as your new friend.
Put it on a dog's wet nose (awww... how cute!)
Lift it to build muscle tone.
Fill the hot tub with molten peanut butter. Invite people over. Especially the chicks. They dig that.
Mix with popcorn (recommended!)
Blow your nose on it.
When involved with debate, accuse opponent of the Slippery Peanut Butter Fallacy.
Mail it to five friends, and tell those friends to mail it to friends...
Pine for it.
Wait for it in quiet desperation.
Throw it at the actors on improv night
Complain at the grocery store about how they don't carry magazines devoted to peanut butter.
Complain every time your step dad barbecues, because he never ever takes your suggestion of basting with peanut butter.
Go to a casino and try to cash it in for chips.
Peanut butter (fart fart) peanut butter (fart fart) when you're swimming in the pool and you're feelin' something cool, peanut butter (fart fart)....
Replace all of those songs you used to sing in second grade with the words "peanut butter."
By all means, claim it as a dependant on your taxes.
Stick the butt end of your little brother's bb gun in it.
Coat your hands with it before tackling the climbing wall at the gym.
Roll it into a ball and show it to girls--they love it when you do that!
Try speaking Spanish with peanut butter in your mouth.
It's not the best of the 's, it's not the best of the 's... it's the best of the peanut butter! (Put peanut butter in every song you know.)
Try to wean yourself off of eating so much cheese by eating more peanut butter (unless you consume too much of both.)
Start clamoring for a peanut butter union at your job. Get everyone all riled up and excited.
Try speaking German with peanut butter in your mouth.
Try saying "I am the Mexican" with lots of peanut butter in your mouth.
Stop getting your mojo on and get your peanut butter on!
Ask the head of the English department if you can start a peanut butter club under his authority.
Throw it at the new VW bugs (continue playing old "slug bug" game with the old bugs.)
Go "meta" and think about thinking about uses for peanut butter.
Give to babies if and when they cry.
Give to grandpa when he cries.
Petition your state senators and representatives to lower taxes on peanut butter...
Open a post office box for your peanut butter.
Sleepy? let your peanut butter drive for awhile.
"It's not me, it's the peanut butter talking"
When the dentist asks you what flavor of fluoride you would like, DEMAND PEANUT BUTTER AND DON'T BACK DOWN UNTIL YOU GET IT!
Spell out peanut butter when testing for your eye exam... See what type of prescription they give you (say "I was hoping for peter pan" when they give you glasses.)
Marvel at the wonders of organic peanut butter (it's super glue, I swear!)
You've heard of .com and .net and that wannabe .cc, now there's .PB!
Open your own discussion chat on peanut butter in AOL... ask for everyone's "peanut butter pics."
Write letters to WIRED magazine and tell them about your favorite peanut butter web site...
Practice transcendental peanut-tation.
If you're little sister won't sleep with the lights off, give her a glob of peanut butter and tell her to plug her new night light into the wall.
Write the makers of Quisp at http://www.quisp.com and ask when the new peanut butter Quisp is coming out.
Chocolate covered ants? Peanut butter covered ants!
Stop up a red anthill with peanut butter. Run.
Mix with caramel, chocolate, and anthrax and give it to your teachers on Teacher Appreciation Day.
Create a fire suit with it and test it in a Hawaiian volcano.
For the whites, two words: Instant 'fro.
Coat your sunglass lenses with it for that "Mr. Dense" look.
Fill a large balloon with it, stick it in your shirt, and stab "yourself" for laughs.
Tie-dye it and Xerox your creations for longevity.
Spread it on your stereo system's speakers for poor man's mega-bass.
Surprise your friends with frozen peanut butter cubes in their favorite drink.
Layer radioactive materials thickly with it to reduce radiation.
Sue McDonald's for not catering to the peanut butter-inclined customer.
Request that Wrigley's make peanut butter-flavored chewing gum.
Mix with red paint, cover your house in it, and say, "Morning Comrade!" to your neighbours when they inquire.
Smear it on crackers so that the crumbs don't get in the bed.
Roll a ball of it around in the bed to pick up any crumbs that might have fallen.
Make a brain map with it.
Make a treasure map with it.
Bury it as the treasure.
Use it as a spring damper for your trampoline.
Peanut butter would make a pretty decent fire retarant, don't you think?
Lace it with estrogen and feed it to teenage guys who are already self-conscious about their bodies.
Lace it with steroids and give it to teenage girls who already have dark hair on their upper lips....
Fill plastic bags with it for bustline "enhancements" without the risks of surgery.
Replace the pimentos in your olives.
Replace the olive around your pimento.
Fill in dents on your Pinto.
Peter piper pickled a pint of peanut butter....
On February 2nd, create groundhog shaped "shadows" around every hole you can find, in hopes that you can influence the outcome.
Of course, you could just bribe the groundhog with peanut butter....
Write a paper on the effects of peanut butter on the southern United States. Speculate at length on the following:
1. If the South had successfully seceded after the Civil War and formed a separate country, would peanut butter exist in the North? What would the import/export tariffs be like? Would there be enough demand for peanut butter in the North to make it an issue between the two countries?
2. If tobacco were outlawed (a la Prohibition) how long would it take to convert all tobacco farms to another viable product, peanuts? What would the effects on the price/availability of peanut butter? What would be your course of action if you were in charge of RJR/Nabisco?
Use it to lubricate massive stones so you can drag them up a ramp and build your backyard pyramid.

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