PB2K: Uses 2401-2500

Uses 2401-2500

Instead of using one of those expensive lens-cleaning kits, just put a little peanut butter on an old AOL CD and pop it in your CD drive.
Stick several hundred AOL disks together with it. (For what purpose, you ask? Since when did AOL disks have a purpose?)
Turn it on a lathe.
Peanut butter balusters: not only does it look good, it's fun to say!
Put a few jars on the ends of a rope; use as a weapon.
Protect your castle by pouring boiling peanut butter over the walls!
Mix peanut butter, kerosene, parrafin and caynne pepper for do-it-yourself napalm with a kick!
Mix peanut butter with hot mustard and put it on bread. Call it a Saddamwich.
Blend peanut butter, honey, marshmallow fluff, and oatmeal. Make a sandwich of it, and name it after someone who is sickeningly sweet and hard to swallow. (I'm open to suggestions for a name to go here.)
Smear a little on an old skylight filter to make a nice, warm diffusion filter for portraits of people with horrendous skin problems.
Peanut Butter in Education:
Heat it over a bunsen burner to demonstrate change-of-phase to a chemistry class.
Heat it over a very hot bunsen burner to demonstrate plasma physics.
Dip it in liquid nitrogen, then drop it on the floor and watch it shatter to demonstrate the effects of low temperatures to a chemistry class.
Coat the pieces with glass, and sell them as souvenirs or paperweights.
Test for superconductivity. If it works, patent it. You'll be rich!!
Put it in a centrifuge and separate out the oil as a demonstration for a chemistry class
Market the oil as an environmentally-friendly substitute for fossil fuels.
Market the remaining portion as an environmentally friendly satay base stock cube.
Use the oil to make soap.
Use the soap to wash the peanut butter off the centrifuge
Mold it into a cube and leave it overnight to demonstrate slow-flowing fluids to a chemistry class.
Mold it into a cube and leave it for three weeks, as a demosntartion for a biology class.
Separate it into two blobs, throw them against each other, to demonstrate conservation of momentum.
Separate into two blobs, throw them against each other harder to demonstrate nuclear physics to a physics class
Collect 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 jars and demonstrate the formation of a black hole.
Use the black hole as an environmentally-friendly garbage disposal.
Use the X-rays emitted from the falling garbage as a source of free energy for the human race.
Electrically charge a blob and make it float in an electrical field.
Make models out of it to help teach topology or geometry.
Have the students measure its coefficient of thermal expansion.
Have the students measure its density.
Use it to demonstrate the archimedian principle.
Have studnets measure its electrical resistance.
Have studnets measure the "permeability of peanut butter"
Wrap a wad around a lump of Sodium, immerse in water, and stand back.
Perhaps Caesium would be more spectacular
Get chemistry students to performe an NMR scan to detect additives or impurities.
Add trace amounts to one jar of water, and get chemistry students to try to identify which jar.
Get students to try to invent a chemical that can completely clear all trace of PB from a jar of water
Get engineering students to build a robot that can make a peanut butter sandwich.
Get computer science students to write software to detect by sight the difference between chunky and super-chunky
sell the software to a PB manufacturer
Get the students to measure its absorption spectrum.
Get the students to measure the absorption spectra of different brands, to detect traces of impurities or additives.
Fill in scratches in your CDs.
"The moon landing? Oh, they faked that. Did it in a sound stage out in New Mexico--flooded the whole dang place with peanut butter, then blew cornstarch all over it. Made for some real fice footprints, I'll say that..."
"Oh, yeah, and the real reason that they had to abort Apollo 13? that whole soundstage got taken over by ants, and they couldn't go on filming..."
Leave a jar of it on the moon.
And today's space launch is sponsored by Jiffy! The best peanut butter on this world, and the next!
Read the book of Revelations (that's in the Bible) to see if there will be peanut butter in the New Heaven and the New Earth.
I bet somewhere, in all those dead sea scrolls, there's a killer recipe for peanut butter...
Make up a language. Write it out on tablets of dried peanut butter. Store them in a dry cave out in the middle east somewhere, and wait to see what new archaeological evidence is found...
Visit the digs. Claim you can translate the tablets. Do so.
Seal all of your letters with peanut butter. Be sure to make an impression with a signet ring.
Sculpt yourself a new nose with it. Insist that your roommate call you Cyrano.
Make it dissapear. Claim it wil reappear in a day or so in a similar, but somewhat changed form.
See how much the toaster can handle.
Create a Rube Goldberg machine to put peanut butter on toast.
Put some on your nose when you go in to a meeting with the boss. This will let him know that you're a willing partner to whatever he comes up with.
Why stop with brown nosing? Get your whole body into the act!
Convince your boss that this peanut butter is a wonderful mud mask that must remain on for at least 48 hours--and oh, it's great for hair, too!
If your boss does do this, you've set up the perfect chance to tell your co-workers where you think management has stuck their head. If you can time it so that you say it just before your boss walks in, so much the better.
Stick it where the sun don't shine.
Stick it where the sun does shine.
Beat it with a stick.
Gather as much peanut butter as you can find, and shake a stick at it. Keep adding more peanut butter until you can conclusively find out how much peanut butter you have when there's "more peanut butter than you can shake a stick at." Publish your results.
Peanut butter has been an all-time classic. It's about time someone came out with a sequel, isn't it?
Life imitates art. This peanut butter is art. Imitate it.
Art imitates life. Peanut butter is life...
The peanut butter that cannot be anything else is not the true peanut butter.
Stick a number of peanuts into a softened stick of margerine. Try to explain to your kids that it really is peanut butter. See if the belive you.
As an interesting psychology experiment, ask those same kids to convince their friend that this is peanut butter. See if their actions vary if you pay them to defend this viewpoint or if they do it as a favor for you.
Peanut Butter Primal Urge Therapy: "You want your peanut butter! But your mommy TOOK IT AWAY FROM YOU! SCREAM! SCREAM! YOU WANT YOUR PEANUT BUTTER!"
"So, Mr. Smith, we've talked about your mother quite a bit. Tell me about your first peanut butter sandwich."
"Two brands sat there in the store, and I , I took the brand less advertised. And that has made all the difference."
Test nuclear weapons in it.
Better yet, replace all nuclear warheads with peanut butter. The world would be a better place.
Burn it. Make smoke signals.
Caffeinated PB, anyone?
Come out with a line of Decaf PB. See what kind of press that stirs up.
Get on the PA and announce you have PB and PCs.
Set it out at parties to dip chips in.
Set it out at parties to dip partygoers in.
We won't spread, and we won't chew, and we won't go with guys that do! You may think we don't have any fun... we don't!
Give Charlie a nickels' worth of peanut butter so he can finally get off the M.T.A.
Demand that you get two peanut butter breaks per day as part of your "perks."
Got peanut butter?
Find out if mudskippers like peanut butter as much as they like mud.
Skippety-hop to the barber shop, to buy a jar of PB, one for you, and one for me, and one for brother Andy!
Give some to the President. See if it impresses Jodi Foster.
Spare a jar of peanut butter, buddy?
Add some to the pile of papers on your desk whenever you have to "turn the compost."
That's m$0.02w, Flames to dev/pb.
Throw some off a roller coaster. They've found odder things underneath, trust me.
Throw some off the merry-go-round. I'm willing to bet this will get you kicked out of the park, whereas the previous item won't.
As they're kicking you off the merry-go-round, leave a little peanut butter on the horse for the next person.
Take some on one of those "big drop" rides, so you can experience the bizarre spectacle of peanut butter floating in front of you.
Strap a few jars to your feet so you can meet the minimum height requirement on the rides and won't have to be confined to the "kiddie coasters."
"Two foot longs, please, extra onions, extra peanut butter."
When someone asks for peanut butter, kick them in the groin as hard as possible. Later explain that you thought they wanted a certain something "busted" and you were just trying to be helpful.

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