PB2K: Uses 2301-2400

Uses 2101-2200

Serve it with green eggs and ham.
Serve it on a train!
Or on a plane?
Would you, could you, in the rain?
Eat it in the park, after dark...
Go to lover's lane, and throw it into the cars where people are making out.
Oh, no! The peanut butter broke! My life is ruined!
Stuff some in the leak in the dike so that little boy (now a withered old man) can finally go home and have some lunch.
On second thought, he's been doing such a good job, let's just give him a peanut butter sandwich, and let him keep on working...
Stick the legs of the sofa in peanut butter so as to protect the carpet.
Carve a hole in it so the traffic can get through.
Cover yourself in peanut butter to see how it feels to be a bird stuck in an oil slick.
Put a beacon on it so that passing aircraft can avoid it.
Mail it to Frankfurt.
Bury it in Bangor.
Cover your backside with it; eat beans and cabbage. See if you can blow bubbles.
The peanut butter in Spain stays mainly... well, the peanut butter in Spain isn't really worth talking about.
Name your kids after it.
Soak your feet in it at the end of a long day.
Coat the piano leg with it so kitty won't sharpen his claws on it.
If you run out of pastels, you can finish your beach scene with peanut butter!
Mix it with lemon oil to make a really nice guitar polish.
Smear it generously around a favorite photograph and let it dry into a decorative frame.
Recreate the Sistine Chapel ceiling. In peanut butter. In the hallway.
Use it instead of plaster to paint frescoes.
Send it to MENSA as proof of your mental superiority.
Paint your toenails with it.
Hang clumps of it on strings to make a silent wind chime.
Peanut butter pie in the face!
Mmm... I have this craving for fried jalapẻo poppers, stuffed with hot, steaming peanut butter...
Draw whiskers on it.
Hand it out with your business card.
"To ensure quality, this peanut butter sandwich may be monitored."
"To order now, please sign and date the enclosed peanut butter and return it in the pre-paid envelope..."
"Press the Peanut Butter key to continue."
Use it to copy someone's fingerprints.
Use it to copy someone's keys.
Give some to the nice officer at the door, along with your "Get out of jail free" card.
If that doesn't work, give some to the judge on the sly.
If even that fails, make sure you have some when you go to jail. It'll make some of those new, uh, "experiences" so much more pleasant.
Carve up a few jars to make PB-o' lanterns.
Use as makeup for a jack-o' lantern
Embed non-Y2K compliant computer chips in it. See if it brings on a global disaster come January 1.
To break a nosepicking habit, mix with pepper mild enough for the kid to eat, but not to inadvertantly stick up thier nose. If nothing else, it will teach them to wash their hands thoroughly.
Grease the scaffolding with it.
Put some on that branch that every passing male just has to do a pull-up on.
Smear some all over yourself. Tell people you were with the Planter's Peanut when you got in a car accident. See if local high schools will get you to come talk to the students about the experience.
Change your name to Peanut Butter. Use a jar as your coat-of-arms.
Too far from the beach to make a sand castle? Make a peanut butter castle instead. Make sure to fill the moat with jelly. Send us photos.
The perfect accesory to any prom dress!
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and, of course, a peanut butter sandwich.
Did you know that peanut butter used to come in buckets? Man, I bet those things had as amny uses as the jars.
Carry a jar with you at all times. When you see a good subject on the street or in a shopping mall, run up, press it into their hands and frantically say, "Oh God, please, please help me. look after this, you must, you can't let them get it. Oh, no.". Then look over your shoulder, scream, and run away. It helps if you get two friends to dress in CIA siuts and follow you for this one.
Study soliton wave propagation properties of PB to determine utility in rapid information transfer.
Fun with public telephones. 'Nuff said.
Increase the contrast. See if it makes your peanut butter is more crunchy.
Coat pickles with it. Have contests to see who can fit the most in their nose.
Go to the middle of the Atlantic. Sink your ship and throw 50,000 jars of peanut butter overboard. Keep track of where peanut butter jars show up on beaches, and you'll have an accurate model of Atlantic ocean currents. Repeat for the Pacific.
Smear some peanut butter on the wall to serve as a flood marker--the place where the peanut butter is no longer washed away is the highest point.
Float a few jars to keep track of the tides in your little brother's wading pool.
Instead of old, junky-looking tires, protect your boat with peanut butter jars!
Create a small, but powerful spy telescope by fitting a peanut butter jar with lenses and mirrors. No one will ever suspect you're doing anything other than reading the nutrition information on the jar.
Make a PBS documentary about the History of Peanut Butter.
Write articles for Popular Science about the Future of Peanut Butter. Be sure to include it's relevance to lunar colonies and exploration of Mars.
Write a sonnet about it.
Write a sonata to go with your PB sonnet.
Write crude limericks about it.
Steel becomes brittle in extreme cold; concrete cracks and can't handle expansion. The ideal building material for the bridge across the Bering Strait is obviously peanut butter.
End the cruel harvesting of cork! Did you know they harvest it by stripping all the bark off trees, leaving the trees vulnerable to any bug that comes along? We must boycott cork! By the way, I've got some peanut butter based bulletin boards for sale...
Test it's solubility in water, alcohol, and formaldehyde.
Pickle it.
Forget Super Chunky--I want INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH!
See if you can sell it in the hardware section.
If not, put it in cleaning supplies as "gum remover."
Use it to polish individual peanuts to a high luster.
Use it to polish your spouse to a high lust...
Spray it on fresh concrete to moist-cure it.
PB flavored toothpaste.... Mmm!
PB liqueur.
If you hate trudging through the mud, in the rain, to get out to the woodshed, cover the path a few feet deep in peanut butter to make all that trudging a more pleasant experience.
Soak old newspapers in a mixture of dishwashing liquid and PB. Layer and roll tightly, tying off with a string. Once they dry, they make wonderful, long lasting (and great smelling!) fireplace logs.
Put a little on your bicycle handlebar so you can get the new handgrips on.
Lubricate your chain with it.
Relives saddle sores.
Use it instead of saddle soap.
Tour de France strategy: keep a bag of liquefied peanut butter under your jersey. Right near the end, when you're making that breakaway to claim the yellow jersey, unleash the PB so that it bulges out of your shorts and streams down your legs. Opponents will immediately assume this is a side effect of the high-fiber diet, and no one will want to get on your tail to trail you to the finish.
For nutrition during the race, coat the top tube of the bike with peanut butter and scoop some off whenever you get a free moment with your hands.
If you can't afford an aerodynamic skinsuit, have the masseur cover your entire body with peanut butter for that "extra edge."
Has the UCI banned peanut butter yet? No? Great, get me a PB and testosterone sandwich...
Add interest to those boring Tour stages by covering sections of the road with peanut butter.
Instead of newspapers, stuff some PB down your jersey to keep you from getting too cold on those fast mountain descents.
Mix fish food into a glob of peanut butter and drop it into your tank so that it will dissolve slowly and feed your fish while you're away on vacation.
Record sounds of PB glopping out of a jar.
Boost your website's popularity by adding free PB.mp3 downloads!
I'm told there is a real comic strip out there called PB Galaxy...
Put a lump of it in your coffee instead of creamer.
Or how about some in your hot chocolate, for that matter?
"The world would be a better place if coffee tasted as good as it smells, and peanut butter smelled as good as it tasted." --Elsie Tietz
Devise a means to make peanut butter smell like coffee.
Devise a means to make coffee smell like peanut butter.

1-100 | 101-200 | 201-300 | 301-400 | 401-500 | 501-600 | 601-700 | 701-800 | 801-900 | 901-1000 | 1001-1100 | 1101-1200 | 1201-1300 | 1301-1400 | 1401-1500 | 1501-1600 | 1601-1700 | 1701-1800 | 1801-1900 | 1901-2000 | 2001-2100 | 2101-2200 | 2201-2300 | 2301-2400 | 2401-2500 | 2501-2600 | 2601-2700 | 2701-2800 | 2801-2900 | 2901-3000 | 3001-3100 | 3101-3200 | 3201-3300 | 3301-3400 | 3401-end | submit a use | hall of fame | awards we've received | list all uses (350 k) | sort by rating | sort by use (coming soon)