PB2K: Uses 2201-2300

Uses 2201-2300

Hawk PB loogies.
Smear some on your nose to simulate the spread of STDs. (I'll have to get Deborah to explain this one...)
Lightproof your darkroom with it.
Leave it on your lawn. See if it spawns toadstools.
Hold long, intimate conversations with it.
So, you're the typesetter for the Journal of the American Medical Associaton. Do you realize how easy it would be to slip in articles about the health benefits of peanut butter?
Toss some in the dryer to eliminate static cling.
Leave some in the middle of the floor for someone to slip on.
Leave large glops of it near fire hydrants and on neighbor's lawns.
A 10 lb. jar makes a darn good doorstop...
Proofread it.
Bathe your cat in it. Ants are easier to deal with than fleas, right?
Should you attempt the above, use it as a salve for your many wounds.
Steam it and serve in bamboo baskets.
If you have to go fix your roof on a hot, sunny day, coat your hands and knees with it so you won't get burned by the roof.
Put some in those rough, uncomfortable work gloves for a more comfortable fit. (Use creamy.)
New form of penance: walk five miles with peanuts in your shoes. You must eat the resulting peanut butter at your next confession.
If you must eat crow, put a little peanut butter on it first.
I love peanut butter. I love beer battered shrimp. How about peanut butter beer battered shrimp?
Peanut butter a la mode.
Cut it with pinking shears. (if your mum's into quilting, this will get you killed, beaten, or grounded for life.)
Keep your old fishing nets soft by soaking them in a solution of peanut butter.
Bait your hook with it.
Breed nightcrawlers, and give them plenty of peanut butter to eat and burrow through.
If it's hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, then, by all means, take the opportunity to grill yourself a peanut butter sandwich.
Summer sport: Grease a watermelon with peanut butter, and throw it into the swimming pool. First team to get the watermelon to the opposing goal wins a point. Aussie rules: No drowning anybody.
Sign your jar up for a pen-pal list. Correspond daily with others about how much of "you" was eaten that day, and on what sort of bread. Always sign your letters, "P.B. Jiffy".
If something is funny, search it for hidden peanut butter.
make a "peanut butter chain" and wear it in your hair on hot summer days; either that, or give it to someone you "like-like."
Sure, Michaelangelo's "David" was impressive--but Andy Kerr's "Goliath" in peanut butter, now that is something!
Give Barbie a mudpack and makeover.
Set a mostly empty jar out on the lawn at dusk; collect fireflies in it to make a "lantern."
Make clothes for stick figures.
Write to Crayola and suggest that they change "indian red" to "peanut butter red."
The edible forest: use dried noodles and seaweed (or some other tough, wrappable edible) to make the rough form of a tree; cover this over with peanut butter to make the bark, and top it off with finely chopped broccoli florets for the leaves. A guaranteed conversation starter at any dinner party.
Laugh while eating it. See if you can get it to come out your nose.
Skip some across a pond.
Be a kid again--eat it right out of the jar.
Attempt to eat a peanut butter sandwich in such a way that you get a peanut butter mustache.
Put some on your chin. See how you'd look with a beard.
If you run out of gold stars, put a little dab of peanut butter on the progress chart...
See if it'll pick up print from the comics, like Silly Putty does.
Add it to your Etch-A-Sketch to avoid the "gray screen of death."
Dunk it in your milk.
Slam dunk it on the basketball court.
Drop it out of your R/C plane to simulate napalm.
Share some with a buddy at lunch.
Have a staring contest with it. See who wins.
Try to suck it through a straw.
While away the lonely hours, sitting in your rocker, petting your pet jar of peanut butter...
They have whisky sours... why not peanut butter bitters?
Make a peanut butter fountain. Splash in it on hot summer days.
Paint your house with it; try to lure in little kids like the wicked witch in Hansel and Gretel.
If you're not allowed to paint the house with it, paint the couch with it instead.
Wax on, wax off.
Holds your dentures in place nicely, without that awful wintergreen taste.
Makes a good replacement for florist's foam....
PB, the kissable lipstick that tastes good, too!
Take some freeze-dried peanut butter on your next camping trip.
Use some dried peanut butter as an alternative to buffalo chips on your next camping trip.
Hair color: Peanut Butter. Eyes: Peanut Butter.
"The suspect was seen fleeing the supermarket, wearing a red, green, and blue striped shirt. He is said to be 'somewhat auburn' in color and is described as having a 'chunky' complexion. If you know where Mr. Jiffy is tonight, call us..."
Build a time machine out of it. Go back in time an have a nice, long chat with George Washington Carver.
Three words: Y2K Emergency Rations.
Carry it on your quest to "get a life."
Demagnetize it.
Store your backup tapes in it. If there's ever a fire the peanut butter will liquefy and... well, maybe this isn't such a good idea....
Build a model of the parthenon out of it in your back yard. Strut about, pretending you're a Greek god, smiting all the ants that would come to desecrate your temple...
Get a buddy to go up onto the garage roof with you to watch the jar of peanut butter that you left on the driveway. Be sure to remark about how all the people look like ants from that high up.
If your friend (astute as he is) remarks that those are ants down there, jump to your death "to protect the peanut butter." Make sure your last words are memorable.
Spam is so passÈ. Peanut butter Usenet instead.
People hate it when you leave flyers under their windshield wipers, so just stick the flyer to the windshield with PB instead.
Hey, you know how all that dust always gets stuck to the back of the fan? What if you put peanut butter on there? It would catch so much dust, it'd be like having filtered air...
Fill in the tread on your shoes with PB, and visit a friends house. When your friend mentions that you're leaving a trail, mutter about "that dumb dog" and try to scrape it off into their brand new carpet.
If you should cut courself while shaving, dab a little peanut butter on the cut. Go to work that way.
Ask for it (very nervously) at the drugstore.
Keep some in your briefcase, just in case.
Spread it thick on a piece of cardboard, and make handprints in it. Ossify it and send it to grandma for her birthday.
I'm told that in the land Down Under, they (gasp) put the peanut butter on the TOP slice of the sandwich!
Special Secret Recipe Dijon Peanut Burre...
Smear a lot of peanut butter on a banana. Tell the joke about the monkey that tested the fit of everything it ate.
The moors at Alhambra had pools of mercury that would sparkle in the sunlight. I'm thinking pools of peanut butter in Indiana would be pretty cool....
They pump water into your house. They pump sewage out of your house. I'm sure a dedicated peanut butter pipeline isn't too much to ask.
If your internet connection is fuzzy, put some peanut butter on it to smooth it out.
Make a complete lunch in one sandwich by dipping the top slice of a PB sandwich in coffee, and the bottom slice in some soup.
If your bicycle helmet is a little loose, pack the inside with a little peanut butter for a better fit.
Tell your mum you're going to drive down to the 7-11 to get some peanut butter. Drive INTO the 7-11: through the plate glass, past the Slurpees, hang a left at the snacks, grab the peanut butter, and burn rubber all the way to the checkout. Pay in pennies.
Plant grass seed in it.
If it grows, cover your entire car in it, and seed it so you can have a "grass car" like Bill Nye the Science Guy.
If it doesn't grow, who cares? You can still have the only peanut butter car on your block!
If you get tired of your peanut butter car, take it to a drive-through car wash. When you get out the other side, throw a fit about how it took the finish off.
Add some to a cotton candy machine. See if you can get peanut butter cotton, "to represent the agriculture of the South."
Call Rush Limbaugh daily, asking him what the conservatives are going to do on "the peanut butter issue."
Sign up your roommate for a pie-eating contest. Secretly replace his pies with peanut butter.
Whipped peanut butter sounds like a great topping to me...
Get some big tubes, and assemble them going down a steep hillside. Coat the inside with peanut butter, and charge kids a dollar each to slide down.
Drop it in mud puddles and swirl it about to make interesting designs.
When someone asks you for your gif online, send a scanned image of peanut butter.
You know, people are paying a whole bunch of money for coffee beans that have, uh, already been through the digestive tract of an animal. (No, I'm not kidding.) So, I say, what if we tried this with peanuts? I bet it would make some very interesting peanut butter...
Two words: Swan dive.

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