PB2K: Uses 2001-2100

Uses 2001-2100

If you have multiple personalities, engage them in a discussion about peanut butter.
Stick a diamond ring in the top of a jar of peanut butter. When your girlfriend finds it, propose to her.
Take some to a football game to sit on.
"Peanuts! Popcorn! Peanuuuut Butter!"
Call the power company. Beg them not to disconnect you, because it's the middle of winter, and you've got six little jars of peanut butter to take care of.
Call the water company. Ask if they decontaminate the water for peanut butter.
Call the gas company. Tell them in ugent tones that you smell peanut butter, and should you evacuate?
Dust it for fingerprints.
Hang it from your mirror instead of fuzzy dice.
If you're into hot rods and car shows where they open the hood so everyone can see the engine, add a peanut butter jar to the engine compartment in a prominent place with a few hoses running in and out of it. Refuse to answer any questions about it.
Juggle it.
Give some to your sister-in law for her to mold in her E-Z-Bake oven.
Take 100 locusts. Remove intestines, wings, and legs. Fry in a small amount of peanut butter until crunchy. Add salt, serve.
Leave some out for the ants. When they come, zap 'em with a magnifying glass.
Rent ANTZ, and eat peanut butter while watching it. See if you feel guilty about what you did that morning with the magnifying glass.
"Hey, Milhouse. What do you have for lunch?"
"Lemme see. Oh, boy, Baloney! What do you have, Bart?"

"Oh, peanut butter on a playing card. Wanna trade?"
At a carnival, set up a booth where peope can pay to try to knock down a stack of peanut butter jars.
Keep a jar of peanut butter on your desk so you won't have to lick stamps.
Heeeeey, peanut butter flavored postage stamps! I'll make a million!
While everyone else is looting and rioting, make off with as much peanut butter as you can.
Sneak into a marshmallow factory. Add peanut butter to the mix. If caught, say that you wanted Fluffernutters without having to use two knives.
Roast it on sticks over an open fire.
S'Mores with More! Add peanut butter to your normal fireside treat for a snack that will leave you speechless!
Spread some peanut butter on a paper plate. Leave it outside. Investigate whatever lands in it as part of your nature study.
Cover half of the peanut butter. See if exposure to sun changes the peanut butter any.
Tie it to the railroad tracks.
Put some in your camera. See what develops.
Call up your airline and ask about their regulations on peanut butter. (You might be surprised.)
Did you know that Altavista lists almost 2,000 pages that contain both the phrase "peanut butter" and the word "f***" in them? It's quite amazing.
Spray paint the inside of a peanut butter jar and make a tiny pinhole in the side. If you put some photo paper inside, across from the hole, you have a genuine pinhole camera!
Make a peanut butter and lutefisk sandwich.
"No officer, I didn't notice my speed, as I was trying to swat this jar of peanut butter..."
Mount some on the hood of your car.
Mount it as you would a hunting trophy. Use the biggest jar you can find.
"Ok, everyone, put your Peanut Butter thinking caps on..."
Use it instead of axle grease to free pesky nuts and bolts. (I tried it. It works. --Shadow)
Use it to hang your stockings by the chimney with care...
Seal outdoor electric joints with it--PB doesn't conduct electricity.
Smear it on bubble wrap to keep people from popping it compulsively.
Stuff the chimney with it so Santa gets a surprise on the way down.
Stick your hand in a jar of peanut butter if you can't find your other glove. Not much dexterity, but hey, you're warm.
If Superman isn't around to save the day, sculpt a quick trestle bridge out of peanut butter so that the 6:15 express train won't fall in the gorge.
Store Kryptonite in it.
Fake cow patties, anyone?
If you're in the middle of a drought, and you can't find any mud, make mud pies out of peanut butter.
Stick the angel to the top of the tree with it.
Astronauts can use it to tack things in place temporarily so they won't float away.
Micrometeor catcher.
Buy a BotBoard, some sensors, and a few motors, combine with a jar of PB, and voila, PBot!
Build a peanut butter detector.
Mix it with Marmite for the ultimate Aussie treat.
Put it on your turkey sandwich.
Make a PB photomosaic.
Use it to shore up the leaning tower of Pisa so that it won't fall over.
Did someone say Leaning Tower of Peanut Butter?
Call Domino's with a thousand-dollar order. When they deliver, stick them together with peanut butter, and set it at an angle; you now have the leaning tower of pizza.
Use it to make your e-mail wrap properly.
Squish it between your fingers to strengthen your grip.
Knead it. (This is also a great way to clean your fingernails.)
Smoked peanut butter, anyone?
Leave it in the oven, on high. Smoke everyone out of the house with it.
PB perfume.
Fill a swimming pool with peanut butter and 1000 car keys. The diver that finds the right key wins a new car!
Fill your pockets with it before stepping on the scale.
Fill a balloon with it; give it to your cat to play with.
If you're silly enough to have held a magnet up to your screen, and distorted all the colors, use peanut butter to cover over the distorted spots so no one will know.
One word: Slingshot.
Coat a frisbee with it to slime your opponents.
Give your horse a rubdown with it.
Slip some into your horse's mouth. Videotape your horse "talking."
The Million Jar March on Washington for Peanut Butter Rights!
Add PCP to PB to create mass hysteria so that you can take control of the country without interference.
Return of the Peanut Butter
The Peanut Butter Strikes Back
Night of the Killer PB
Carry it with you on a helicopter ride.
If you're out on a jungle landing strip, throw a jar of it into the propeller to convince the natives not to go near that end of the plane.
The first peanut butter to set jar on the moon...
(Dippy electronic voice) The peanut butter is ajar. The peanut butter is ajar. The peanut butter is ajar.....
Use it to glue yourself to the top of the flagpole.
Whe creating Wet Noodle Sculptures, use PB to keep them in place.
Put it on your spoon.
Play TiddlyWinks with the jar lids.
Replace missing tooth fillings with chunky until you can get to the dentist.
Glue victims to their chairs with PB instead of tying them up.
Train seals to balance it on their noses.
If your elephant won't move, dangle a jar of PB in front of him on a long stick.
Put some PB in a funnel. See how long it takes to drip out. Create a timer based on this system-- just as good as a water clock, and it doesn't evaporate!
We have pH, why not pB?
Create peanut butter traps for your game of marbles.
Send out free samples of PB in little vials, or, better yet, include them in the campus trial packs that college students can get at the start of the semester.
Include peanut butter scents flaps in fashion magazines.
Scratch and sniff PB stickers....
Lubricate your straightjacket with it to make it easier to take off.
Make a fake beard out of it for the school play.
Bury your telephone in it to stop the ringing.
Have peanut butter answer the phone.
When you answer the phone, say, "Peanut Butter."
After a rock concert, stuff it in your ears to stop the ringing.
Before a rock concert, stuff it in your ears to prevent the ringing.

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