PB2K: Uses 1701-1800

Uses 1701-1800

Think of peanut butter whenever you need a happy thought so you can fly.
Use peanut butter instead of styrofoam packing peanuts to pack boxes.
Buff your old muzzleloader with it to keep it looking like new.
Put it into the empty sockets on your Christmas tree lights so that the rest of the lights will light.
Smear it on your cat's nose so it won't get hairballs.
Use it to keep transparent tape from sticking to itself.
On April 1st, replace everyone's mouse balls with peanut butter.
Hair color.
If you lack an umbrella, mix peanut butter into your hair and create your own!
Mr. PB: Put it in your head.
7PB: The Uncola.
Give your keyboard a softer touch....
Use it to make dioramas for your class.
Make a model of the atom out of it. Try to show the peanut electrons jumping back and forth.
Eat it for breakfast.
Shocking news! Dish runs away with spoon! Peanut butter blamed.
Little miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet, eating a peanut butter sandwich and wondering, just what was a tuffet, anyway?
Coat the cow with it so that when it jumps over the moon, it doesn't burn up on re-entry.
There was an old woman
Who lived in a shoe
who had so many children
She didn't know what to do--
For one of them liked Skippy,
and another, plain bread;
Yet another preferred Jiffy,
So she sent them to the store and told them to buy their own.
I'll say Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard was bare-- there wasn't even any peanut butter!
The butcher, the baker, the peanut butter maker!
Baa, baa black sheep, have you any peanut butter?
Yes sir, yes sir, three jars full!
One for the master, one for the dame,
And one for that nutty Wheeitologist down the street.
The real story: Bo Peep's sheep baited by wolves with peanut butter!
Little boy Blue, come blow your horn-- if you can, that is, with that huge mouthful of peanut butter you've got there.
Sing a song of peanut butter, spread thick on slice of rye!
Revive the flavor of day-old blackbird pie.
All peanut butter is brown. Therefore, all non-brown items are non-peanut butter. Prove your hypothesis.
No peanut butter was harmed in the making of this movie.
Any resembalnce to any peanut butter, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Rub it on your windows instead of having curtains.
Put it on your fork.
Stuff your holiday turkey with it. (Makes good gravy, too!)
Carbonate it. Never deal with flat peanut butter again.
Serve over ice.
Peanut butter jerky, anyone?
I'm dreaming of a white peanut butter.....
Oh Peanut Butter, oh Peanut Butter, how lovely are thy peanuts!
Silent peanut butter, chunky peanut butter....
Toast it.
Learn to rap. Call yourself "The Notorious P.B. Chunky and the Jelly CrU."
Rub it on your face to remove dead skin. Use crunchy.
Walk it on a leash. Act embarrassed next to fire hydrants.
Coat fire hydrants with it for, uh, protection.
If you have a dalmatian, add spots of PB to make him a calico.
Buy a small model rocket-- the Estes variety. Read up on flight dynamics, while you empty a small, plastic jar of PB. Attach fins and weight the cap appropriately, then add an engine mount. When you finally shoot off your creation, send us a picture.
After this succeeds, develop a larger rocket. Use the PB jar as a "payload capsule."
Turn in your time card with PB neatly smeared in all the appropriate spots. See how much your check is for that week.
Philosophical debate: Is peanut butter worth it?
Johnny Cochran: "If the man can't mutter, he must have eaten peanut butter."
You can always catch a bird by putting peanut butter on it's tail...
Instead of facing down that deadly, fiery dragon like most knights stupidly do before they get toasted, leave some peanut butter outside it's cave. While it's off eating the peanut butter, you can plunder his gold in safety.
Partake of it.
Disassemble it.
Spread it on the back of jigsaw puzzles, and stick them to the wall to show off your handiwork.
Spread it on sidewalks, to inhibit ice.
Mix it with beer, to inhibit... (hic) oops, too late.
Coat the front of your pants with it, so no one can tell if you've had an "accident."
If you want to gross somebody out, tell him to "Visualise Roseanne, wearing peanut butter and jelly."
If you need to run your car in a closed garage, plug up the tailpipe with peanut butter first to prevent carbon monoxide poisoning.
Stick hundreds of Cheerios together with peanut butter to make a raft.
Change the color of the spots on your pet giraffe by painting over them with peanut butter.
Stick a few Cheerios together in a straight line with peanut butter, and stick in an extra-thick "lead" to make a PB & Cheerios pencil.
Slow down garden slugs by spreading peanut butter on the ground.
Market little tiny jars of peanut butter to go with doll house kitchen sets.
Fill in the cracks of jigsaw puzzles with it.
Put a thin layer on your computer screen to alter the colors.
Lay it out flat, dry it, and make paper.
New fruit-roll-up flavor: peanut butter!
Fill your mouth with peanut butter, plug your right nostril, and blow the peanut butter out your left nostril.
Serve it with lentils, avocado, and cabbage.
Coat the light bulb bases with peanut butter before screwing them in to stop the current and confuse people.
Jonadab's Magic Hair Growth Formula:
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup ammonia
1/2 cup isopryptol
1/4 cup popcorn salt
2 TBSP nutmeg
1/2 tsp black pepper
Dissolve the salt in the alcohol. Chill overnight in freezer. Remove and crush. Spread over one half of a damp towel, then fold the towel over to cover it. Lay in a bowl.

Combine peanut butter and ammonia in saucepan. Heat, stirring continually, to 300 Fahrenheit. Add the nutmeg and pepper and continue stirring over heat for five minutes. Remove from heat and immediately pour into bowl over the towell. Prepare subject's head (or wherever hair growth is desired) by making a series of parallel fine cuts with a sharp blade. After the contents of the bowl have cooled to the point where they will not scald the skin, remove the towel and make a compress of it over the area. Hold in place 30 minutes. Repeat once a day for two months. No one has ever done this and failed to grow large amounts of hair in the desired place.
Use peanut butter as an argument in the impeachment debate. It's at least as relevant as some of the other arguments presented.
Spread some on the toilet seat for a better seal when "Power dumping."
Take some to church and put it underneath your feet so that they don't swing while you're sitting there in the pew.
Gatling did a pretty good job with his gun; he just never used peanut butter.
Should you get ahold of the Great Seal of England, stamp it on the surface of a freshly opened jar of peanut butter so that you can later make a copy of it for your own personal use.
Be the first to break that smooth, glossy surface... of every jar in the store.
Figure out, mathematically, the maximum number of uses for peanut butter.
Figure out, philosophically, the maximum number of uses for peanut butter.
Winter always has such dull colors... white, grey, black. Peanut butter would liven up the scene considerably!
Type a paper. Run it through a shredder. Mix with peanut butter. Spread on bread. Now you really can eat your words!
Spread PB on a wall. Stick M&Ms in it. Make a mosaic.
Write messages on bathroom walls about it.
Write messages on bathroom walls with it.
If your lava lamp breaks, fill it up again with olive oil and peanut butter.
Preserve family heirlooms in it.
They have honey cured ham, why not peanut butter ham?
Subscribe Sarah Eady to the Whee list. Claim that the Peanut Butter did it.
Take some to a priest. Claim it's possessed.
Baptize it.
"Da peanut buddah made me do it..."
Take it to confession with you. Make up sins involving peanut butter. See how many Hail Marys you get.
Adopt it.
Leave the waitress a 15% tip... of peanut butter.
After removing the brains through the nose, and removing all other major organs, the ancient egyptians bathed the body again, and covered it in peanut butter, which is the first stage of mummification...
Trowel some onto your ceiling before you paint it to give it that rich, textured look.
If your landlady refuses to give you your security deposit back, pump the apartment full of peanut butter before you clear out.
Postal employees can now throw globs of peanut butter to dogs so that they can deliver the mail undisturbed.
Shoot baskets with it.

1-100 | 101-200 | 201-300 | 301-400 | 401-500 | 501-600 | 601-700 | 701-800 | 801-900 | 901-1000 | 1001-1100 | 1101-1200 | 1201-1300 | 1301-1400 | 1401-1500 | 1501-1600 | 1601-1700 | 1701-1800 | 1801-1900 | 1901-2000 | 2001-2100 | 2101-2200 | 2201-2300 | 2301-2400 | 2401-2500 | 2501-2600 | 2601-2700 | 2701-2800 | 2801-2900 | 2901-3000 | 3001-3100 | 3101-3200 | 3201-3300 | 3301-3400 | 3401-end | submit a use | hall of fame | awards we've received | list all uses (350 k) | sort by rating | sort by use (coming soon)