PB2K: Uses 1301-1400

Uses 1301-1400

Smear it on your face when making a mold for a mask.
Heck, smear it on your face and let it dry. Decorate with jelly and raisins.
Ants on a log.
Make ants on a log... with prunes! (Them's big ants, mama... Eat up, son.)
Earthquake-proof your house by sealing all your valuables to the wall with peanut butter.
Create a "peanut butter web." See if you can catch spiders.
W.W.J.D.W.A.J.O.P.B? (What would Jesus do with a jar of peanut butter?)
Take five loaves and four jars. Feed the 5,000.
See if you can walk on it.
Sell it in vending machines with little packs of disturbingly orange crackers.
"This is WPBB 101.5 comin' at you with the latest in Peanut Butter Blues. Up next, we have Creamy, with their new album..."
Percolate it. Coffee has been dominant for too long, we need a new product...
Mmm-Bop: The only Hanson song that can be sung with a mouthful of peanut butter.
Rub it into the grooves of your old vinyl LPs to counteract needle wear.
Tame your split ends...
Mix head, peanut butter and an eggbeater for an instant perm.
See if you can replace the rosin on your violin bow with dried peanut butter.
Bombard it with ultrasonic waves. See if you can get it to do the cha-cha.
Pad yourself with it when slam dancing.
Throw it from the stage at your heavy metal band's live concerts.
Bite off a glob of peanut butter as part of your stage show. Spit jelly.
Coat your skis with it before putting them away for the winter.
Practice card tricks with it. Peanut butter never tells everyone when your sleight-of-hand isn't very sleight.
A PB filled whoopee cushion would be such a gas!
Leave it on people's chairs. Especially effective at a nudist colony.
Sell it at a nudist colony as SPF 50 sunscreen.
Go to the peanut butter companies and try to sell the footage you filmed of the last two items, for use in their TV advertisements.
Mix it in with your mashed potatoes to make them creamier.
Coat slices of turkey with it after Thanksgiving so that you can slip it into your kids' lunches without them noticing.
At the auto parts store, secretly scoop the grease out of a dozen cans. Replace with peanut butter. If possible, track down the buyers and see how it runs on their cars.
There are some things that duct tape just won't seal. For everything else, there's peanut butter.
There are some things in life that you just can't buy. For everything else, there's peanut butter.
Throw it through the window at a grocery store, so that you can rob the place without the police getting your fingerprints off this jar of peanut butter that they don't realize came from outside the store.
Use old peanut butter jars to create a conveyor belt from the refrigerator to your bed. Snacking was never so easy!
When you say, "I'll be back in a Jiffy!" at least try to come back in a peanut butter jar.
For your evil deeds, grasshopper, your karma is to come back as peanut butter.
"Oh, man, I'm in deeeeep peanut butter now..."
Put some in the offering plate.
Mix antibiotics in it so that your dog will eat it and get better.
Use it to hold the pages of your book open while you ride your exercise bike.
Tie a few jars around your ankles for more resistance when you run. (Gee, like I need more resistance to running?)
Include scratch-and-sniff samples of it in fashion magazines.
Car ceiling sagging? Stick it back up with PB!
Spread it on cork trees after harvesting the bark to protect them.
Spread it on sheep to protect them from the weather after you've shorn them.
Did I mention aftershave?
Fill up your Mexican sombrero with it, and run about the room, trying to catch tortilla chips that your friends throw at you.
Fill in the vent holes on your bike helmet in winter so that your head will stay warmer.
Fill a football stadium full of peanut butter, all the way up to the last rows in the nosebleed section.
Once you've done that, conduct scientific studies to see if the peanut butter is affected by the earth's tides.
If it does, form a PB surfing team.
Make holograms of it, and project them into unusual places.
Every time you finish a jar of peanut butter, glue the jar to the ceiling. Continue until you've lowered the entire ceiling at least twelve inches. Claim it makes the room seem cozier.
Drop some in the sump in the basement to see how much peanut butter it can bail.
Waterproof your boat with it.
When your junior Picasso draws on the walls, use peanut butter to take it off. (This leaves a grease stain.)
Cover the rest of your walls with it, to match the grease stain.
If you work in an operating room, sculpt "extra" organs out of PB. Slip them in when no one's looking.
Use it like smelling salts to revive the head surgeon when he faints in panic over the "kidney" that just disintegrated in his hand.
When sewing leather, lubricate the needle with it to make it go through easier.
When no one's looking, cheat on your diet by taking small globs of peanut butter and rolling them in chocolate chips. (Sinful, but yummy.)
Investigate; see what happens when it hits the fan.
Glop some on your computer's CPU to keep it cool.
Lubricate your hard drive with it to get better access times.
Use peanut butter to predict the weather. (Hey, it works. I just found out we're having rain tommorrow around lunch time.)
Cover up motion sensors so that you can move about freely without all those pesky lights turning on.
Build a peanut butter fort. Throw peanut butter balls at unsuspecting passerby, or challenge your little brother to a peanut butter battle.
Use it to keep Galaxoid and Nebular warm when they complain about the faulty axis of the planet you sold them for 50 leaves.
Next time you're custom-designing a planet, make the core out of peanut butter instead of boring old iron and nickel.
Launch it straight up, then stand with your head tilted back and mouth open.
How come Pizza Hut doesn't have pizza with peanut butter rolled up in the crust?
Wish on it if it's an overcast night and there aren't any stars visible.
Sit cross-legged in an obscure corner of a major international airport, hands limp on the ground, sticking your tongue --way-- into an almost-empty peanut butter jar trying to lick it out. Growl if anybody comes close. Bite anyone who tries to take the jar away.
If you have an injured family member who's too sick to take a bath, coat him in peanut butter and turn the dog loose.
Smear peanut butter on your chest in the shape of a cross for "holy protection" whenever you leave the house. Never let anyone know about it, even your spouse.
Decorate devil's food cake with flowers and swirls and writing made out of peanut butter. It can't be too much less healthy than frosting.
Out of ice cream? You can still make a root beer float with peanut butter!
Put one cup of peanut butter in your mouth. Whistle. Go on Letterman with this "Stupid Human Trick".
Captain Damn Peanut Butter Puffs
Feed it to the Coolyfish.
Coat your hands with it. Make handprints in strategic places.
Maybe it would help kitty with his hairball...
Make a mask out of it so no one will recognize you when you're dancing naked.
Turn a boring old game of badminton into a crazed, psychotic peanut butter war.
Next on the Jerry Springer show: "My husband has been eating my best friend's peanut butter!"
Fill your bass drum with it instead of foam.
At your next kegger, put a glop in everyone's cup. See if anyone notices.
Test your endurance on the peanut butter bong...
Smoke it.
Wrap leaves up in it when you run out of papers...
PB, TP, what's the difference?
Roll a huge ball of it across your lawn to pick up the leaves instead of raking.
Sell PB at BP stations.
Put it in a centrifuge. See if it separates.
Put it in a mass spectrometer. Plot various brands across the periodic table.
Test the rolling resistance of various trpes of peanut butter jars.
Test and publish the viscosites of various peanut butter brands. Try and correlate it with the spread of Communism.
Create a comic strip based on peanut butter.
Form a PB lobbying group.
Grease the rails at your local train station. See how far the train slides past it's stop.

1-100 | 101-200 | 201-300 | 301-400 | 401-500 | 501-600 | 601-700 | 701-800 | 801-900 | 901-1000 | 1001-1100 | 1101-1200 | 1201-1300 | 1301-1400 | 1401-1500 | 1501-1600 | 1601-1700 | 1701-1800 | 1801-1900 | 1901-2000 | 2001-2100 | 2101-2200 | 2201-2300 | 2301-2400 | 2401-2500 | 2501-2600 | 2601-2700 | 2701-2800 | 2801-2900 | 2901-3000 | 3001-3100 | 3101-3200 | 3201-3300 | 3301-3400 | 3401-end | submit a use | hall of fame | awards we've received | list all uses (350 k) | sort by rating | sort by use (coming soon)