PB2K: Uses 701-800

Uses 701-800

Get your peanut butter pierced.
Make gigantic airbrushed murals of galactic peanut butter jars on the sides of buildings.
Put it in an aerosol can and sell it with crackers. You can sell anything this way.
Construct an experiment to determine the flash point of peanut butter.
Wash with it.
See if it takes out those awful rust stains in the shower.
Use it whenever you misplace the hair trap in the bathtub drain.
Peanut butter down the drain is always a job for Liquid Plumber!
Whenever your spouse brings home peanut butter, hide it. See how many months it takes for them to catch on.
Eat it instead of mowing the lawn.
Patch holes in vinyl with it.
Add peanut butter to the paint mixer at your local hardware store.
Throw it at the screen when you go to the movies.
Heat it in the microwave and use it as a hot water bottle.
Cover someone's dorm room with it. Then you can TP it.
When telephone salesmen ask you for your credit card number, give them the UPC code for peanut butter.
Do a breath-check at children's parties to see if they've been eating peanut butter.
"Oh, man, the peanut butter is gonna hit the fan now...."
Extrude it. Make peanut butter pasta.
Use it as fertilizer in your garden.
Put it in the sound hole of your guitar to make it quieter.
Spread it on peanut brittle.
Use it to keep your pictures from hanging crooked.
Divert small rivers with it.
Erect a monument to George Washington Carver. Sculpt it out of peanut butter.
Keep it in your mess kit to improve the flavor of MRE's.
Send a few jars to a missionary.
Soak your feet in it after a long, hard day.
Peanut butter shots. (Anything is better than the green stuff...)
Put some on a handrail so that you can slide down it more easily.
Tip gas station attendants with it.
Leave messages on the bathroom mirror with it.
Yes, Virginia, there is a peanut butter.
He left his cares on the doorstep, and went walking down the sunny side of the street, a jar of peanut butter in his hands.
Use it as a centerpiece for your living room table.
Use it as a conversation starter at dinner.
Go to Africa. Give some to a native to eat. Videotape what he says with a mouthful of peanut butter. Add creative subtitles.
"By the power of Peanut Butter... I have the power!"
Suck on a glob of it to help your ears adjust when flying.
Send secret messages to your friends written on the inside of the labels.
Use it to cure tropical diseases.
Sculpt your hair and give yourself sideburns. Pretend you're Elvis.
Pad your rump with peanut butter when you're learning to ice skate so that it will hurt less when you fall.
Dial-a-Peanut Butter.
Dance with it. Make your partner look good.
Preserve used tea bags with it.
Use it instead of swear words. ("You son of a peanut butter sandwich!")
When going through an airport metal detector, make sure to have several jars of peanut butter on your person.
Insist that your passport be stamped with peanut butter.
Ask about the exchange rate for peanut butter.
Hold the phone to your ear with it.
Tell your life story in terms of peanut butter.
Plug leaks in your transmission with it.
Add peanut butter to your gas. See if you can make smoke trails.
Roll a ball of it across the lawn to collect grass clippings.
Clothe your snowman.
Brains for the Scarecrow.
Rate airlines by the peanut butter they serve.
Put it on mosquito bites to reduce the swelling.
Wear peanut butter. Complain that you don't fit in.
Tell your roommate that you're homesick for peanut butter.
Use globs of peanut butter instead of pins on your map.
Create a comic strip devoted to peanut butter.
Leave globs of it while exploring so you can find your way home again. (Note: This doesn't work too well at sea.)
State your height and weight in peanut butter jars.
Tell someone they're worth their weight in peanut butter.
Convince your Spanish-speaking maid that you want her to put peanut butter on the baby when she changes the diaper.
Decorate the Christmas tree with it.
Create a manger for your nativity scene.
Ask new acquaintances if they've met your jar of peanut butter.
Use it instead of Bondo when repairing dents in your car.
Instead of envelopes, use peanut butter jars. Complain that it won't fit through the mail slot.
Correct people's pronunciation of "peanut butter." Use a French accent.
Use your knowledge of Greek to find evidence of peanut butter in the Bible.
Search the Hebrew to see if Manna was actually peanut butter sandwiches.
Write pithy proverbs about peanut butter.
Disguise a VW bug by coating it with peanut butter. Extra points if you make a convincing semi.
A friendly peanut butter jar to the top of the head is more effective than words any day.
Use it to defend yourself on the way to the outhouse.
Use it instead of a shoehorn for tight shoes.
Buy a sports team. Name it after your favorite kind of Peanut Butter.
Fill soccer balls with it for added speed and distance.
Make it the main character in a kid's show.
Hold a jar of peanut butter over your heart when saluting the flag.
Try to create polka-dotted peanut butter.
Use it to keep leaves out of the gutter.
Use it to sustain yourself through those long sermons.
Put peanut butter in the offering plate.
Mix it with gravel and pave your driveway.
Dump several hundred tons of it in a field. Go mountain biking.
Haggle with the checkout clerk over the price of peanut butter.
Mark your Rolodex with it so you can find people easily.
Be modest about everything. Except peanut butter.
Use it to extend your "dry season" wardrobe into the "wet season."
Grease the sides of the car with it to get out of a tight parking space.
Ask for it at Taco Bell with your burrito.
Use it to clean gas station bathrooms.
Sell tiny packets of it in vending machines.
Mark your speedometer with it so you can see at a glance if you're over the limit.
Use it to try to get on military bases. Extra points for Area 51.

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