PB2K: Uses 601-700

Uses 601-700

Nail it to a cross. Discuss how Jesus would have done it.
W.W.J.D.?
Rub it on Buddha's belly.
Makes matzo balls much better.
Clean the dust off your screen with it.
Use it in place of cans in your tree-house telephone system. Use the lid as a mute button.
Plug it into your amplifier. Set the volume to 10.
Stick electrodes into it. See if it glows like pickles do.
Refill your uncle's smelly Cuban cigars with a healthier alternative.
Use it to keep the leather on your briefcase supple.
Store your marbles in it.
Mix with soy sauce to make a really good peanut chicken.
Never board up the windows when peanut butter will do so nicely...
Use it in your explanation of the Missing Day.
Stick some in a globe so that your favorite continent will always be on top.
The big jars make dandy lunch buckets.
Use it as frosting on a wedding cake.
Fill halfway with warm water. Add dry ice. Cap tightly. Don't even think of doing this with a glass jar.
Add it to your water softener.
Add it to your gas tank to prevent water condensation.
Leave a little dab at the bottom of a jar for the cat to find. Videotape the results.
"Get more peanut butter! The dam's about to burst!"
Decorate it with spray-painted macaroni shells and give it to your mother.
Peanut butter, peanut butter
Oh, Peanut, Peanut butter... pop!
Da dum dum dum...
Feed it to your Chia pet.
Collect old cigarette butts in a peanut butter jar. Add water. Whenever you get the urge to smoke, open the jar and take a deep breath.
Use it to grease the watermelon when playing underwater football.
Fill the bathtub with it. Add brightly colored power tools.
Glue two jars to the bottom of each shoe. Tap dance.
Add some to your bass drum to dampen the sound.
Make a set of drums from the jars so that your little brother will stop using yours.
Fill scoop varying amounts of peanut butter out of a number of jars. Set atop a hill in a windy place to make an Aeolian Harp.
Use it as emergency rations in your bomb shelter.
Make a Jentesal Smoothie: mix it with soft-serve ice cream.
Throw at the fluorescent lights to stop that annoying flicker.
At McDonald's, ask for a peanut butter sandwich. To go.
Give it to your date along with the customary roses and chocolates.
Use it as a sleep mask.
"Would you like some peanut butter for those Fried Chicken Crispy Strips, sir?"
Instant boogers.
Spread it on your clothes as desert camouflage. (Note: If you're in a forest, forget it. People will think you're a deer.)
Use it as a playing piece in Monopoly.
Use it as currency in Monopoly.
Try using it as currency in real life. (Make sure you have your "get out of jail free" card first, though.)
Put a jar of it on Free Parking.
Oil squeaky hinges.
Create a sunshade on your Panama hat.
Waterproof your Panama hat.
Use it to seal your romantic love letters instead of sealing wax.
Edible underwear.
Stick your glow-in-the-dark stars to the ceiling.
Create nebulae for those same stars.
Give that gossipy neighbor something else to do with her mouth.
Smear it on a square. Call it art.
Moldable earplugs.
Pack breakables in it for transport.
Make a kid's beanbag game with the open jars.
Take a few young adults and sit them down for a long lecture about "Safe Peanut Butter"
Chinese Peanut Butter torture.
SPF 300 tanning lotion.
Use it as an alternate power source.
Add it to your car battery if you don't have any distilled water.
Brush your teeth with it. Go see the dentist.
Paint your room.
Mix it with luminous paint so that you can find it in the dark.
Smear some on the windows as a "privacy covering."
"Peanut butter, the plant you don't need to grow!"
Use it to highlight verses in your Bible. (Taste of the word, and see that it is good, eh?)
Use it to block out sections of Charles Dickens that you don't want to read again for the test.
Peanut Butter Beanie Babies.
Use as baby food. Keep a video camera handy.
Instead of a pencil jar, stick your pencils into a large glob of peanut butter.
Peanut Butter-- It's everywhere you want to be!
Coat asparagus with it. Walk down the street, ringing a bell, and selling it to kids on hot summer days.
Bait mousetraps.
Lube the VCR. Children will do this for free.
Spatter it with a toothbrush to create fake freckles.
Chew it instead of bubble gum.
Dip light bulbs in it to create "mood lights"
Rub it over your signature so no one can erase it.
Strap several jars of it to your body to add resistance while you work out.
Wax your car with it.
Leave it on someone's doorstep, ring the doorbell, and run!
Add a 3-way touch switch so that you can have "Three levels of peanut butter to suit any situation."
Move huge stones by rolling them on peanut butter jars. A slave whip and headdress will make you more believable.
Rub it on bee stings to see if it helps.
Keep yourself awake during those late night cram sessions by eating peanut butter and coffee ground sandwiches. (I went to school with a guy that did this. He's now at MIT.)
Lobby with Crayola to make "peanut butter" a standard color.
Make a constellation for peanut butter. Navigate by it.
Toss it around before concerts.
Part crowds with it.
Peanut butter slinging is so much classier than mud slinging.
Drop a jar of it on Nagasaki.
Mail a jar to the White House. See if you get a card thanking you for the thoughtful gift.
Give your father a cup of hot peanut butter first thing in the morning. See how much he drinks before he figures out it's not coffee.
Try to sell it at stoplights.
Cars always stop for a hitch hiker with peanut butter...
Show your peanut butter sandwich as your ID when going to the Y.
Write vaguely obscene rap songs about what peanut butter does to you.
Convince Dennis Rodman to get a peanut butter tattoo.

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