PB2K: Uses 501-600

Uses 501-600

Prevent blisters when sliding down ropes by coating your hands with it ahead of time.
Social faux pas: show up to a dinner party wearing the same peanut butter as the hostess.
Get little packets of peanut butter and crackers. Throw away the peanut butter and crackers. Collect the little red plastic spreaders.
Use it as mortar when making graham cracker houses.
Run a few hundred barrels of it through an oil refinery to see if you can get peanut butter gasoline.
Deep fat fry it.
Do taste tests between it and Coke, New Coke, and Classic Coke.
Do taste tests between it and Vaseline.
"Peanut Butter Stress-Coat with Aloe Vera replaces the natural protective slime coat your tropical fish needs in time of stress..."
Goldfish anti-depressant.
Underarm anti-perspirant.
Fill the mosh pit. 'Nuff said.
Peanut Butter Cam, live, on the web! (Just $14.95 per month after validating your age... the Supreme Court has determined that a valid credit card is sufficient proof of age...)
Peanut Butter popsicles.
Peanut butter enemas... no, wait, what would be the point?
Peanut butter, peanut butter, give me your answer do....
Marinade your steaks in it before grilling.
"So, you still won't talk, eh? Frankie, hand me that jar of peanut butter."
If nothing is more American than football, and nothing is more American than peanut butter, what do you get when you play football with a peanut butter jar?
E = PB squared
The secret to Don King's hairdo!
Coat the wings of airliners with it to prevent ice formation.
"And once we reach a cruising altitude of 21,000 feet, our stewardesses will be coming around with your complimentary jar of peanut butter and a drink of your choice..."
Create a slo-mo landslide with it as a special effect in a movie.
Vastly improves the flavor of caviar.
Put some down someone's back who's not paying attention -- not quite as much immediate shock as an ice cube, but not as easy to get rid of, either...
Sit on a street corner, sticking your hand in and out of an industrial-sized can of peanut butter, quietly saying things to yourself, such as, "I just couldn't stand being there anymore. They had no right to keep me there. No reason. I didn't want to be there. I don't care what the doctor says. I don't like it there..."
Coat someone's cigarettes with it to help him stop smoking.
Sometimes I think all my friends were made out of peanut butter...
Annoy your co-workers at McDonald's by talking about peanut butter non-stop for an entire shift!
New kind of sandwich: instead of putting peanut butter between bread, be innovative and put bread between peanut butter!
Place a small amount of peanut butter on a slide. Place a cover slip over top of it. Place the slide in the microscope tray's clips.
"I'm a peanut butter dandy / A peanut butter do-or-die /
A real live nephew of my uncle Gif / born on the fourth of July..."
"Peanut Butter Helper helps your Peanut Butter Helper makes a great meal!"
Pastor Potter peddles peanut butter better; peddling peanut butter better than Pastor Potter poses bitter problems; Pastor Potter is the better peanut butter peddler. (Repeat, faster each time.)
Coat your motherboard and hard drive with it. Dance around the roaring fire singing "Jingle Bell Rock".
Do-it-yourself Dr. Seuss hat.
Use it as a marinade when immolating your Beanie Baby collection.
Use it as a lint trap in your drier.
Cover up those pesky gravy stains on your tie.
The shocking truth revealed: William Tell actually shot a peanut butter sandwich out of his son's hand!
Cheat at poker by sticking your cards together with it.
"I'll see your Reese's, and I'll raise you a Skippy."
Coat the bottom of your grill with it, to keep the heat in.
Lubricate wood screws with it, so that they'll go in easier.
Use it in your sound system to get those, rich, warm, tones from your guitar.
Got up one mornin'
Felt around for my shoes
Found my peanut butter empty
Oh, now I got the blues...
(C'mon, play it, Skippy... Spread it thick now)

I got them peanut butter blues...
Perform the above under the stage name "P.B. King." Keep a jar of peanut butter on-stage. Talk to it. Name it Lucielle.
Keep a jar of it in your guitar case to keep the wood from cracking in those dry, steam-heated Indiana winters.
Use it for better heat transfer between your CPU and the heat sink.
If you can't afford gel running shoes, inject it into the heel to provide more cushioning.
Smear it on your goggles before diving to keep them from fogging up.
Use it to prank the newlyweds on their wedding night. (Sorry, John and Christina...)
Coat globs of it in shoe polish to hide the fact that you've been snitching from grandma's box of Whitman's chocolates.
Put some on your hands so you can change the light bulb while it's still hot.
Add peanut butter to your lab partner's centrifuge experiments. Add wildly different amounts to each tube. Help her plot and interpret the data.
Use in place of quicksand for national security.
Grease your slide rule.
100% reusable earwax replacement.
Use it to plug up leaks around the storm windows.
Eat it to stay cool on those Chicago nights when you're afraid to open the window because of gunfire.
Add some to your hot chocolate. Yummy.
Post "missing pet" posters for it around your neighborhood. Offer a reward.
"And this report is brought to you live, vie our satellite, PB1..."
Coat your racing shell with it to lower your hull-to-water friction.
Figure out how tall the Empire State Building is by dropping jars of peanut butter from the observation deck.
"And as the jelly glaciers receded, the mighty Colorado carved the rivers of the Grand canyon out of the living peanut butter..."
Burn peanut butter candles to mask the smell of flatulence.
Coat satellites with it to collect samples of space dust.
[singing] Oh, I'm just wild about peanut butter \ and peanut butter's wild about me ...
Toss small bits of it into a spider's web and watch how the spider deals with her newest "catch".
Pour it over Cheerios instead of milk. Makes a thicker, richer, more balanced breakfast.
When filling out a job application, when you get to the part about "skills you have which would help you to be a valuable employee", put down "expert on peanut butter".
Restate all the laws of physics in terms of peanut butter.
When your dog needs (and doesn't want) a bath, use peanut butter to entice him into the bathtub.
New massage therapy: cover your back with peanut butter and let your dog lick it off.
Use it to stop the clock during a particularly difficult test.
Leave some out for the raccoons. Poison the water they wash it in.
Pass it out with religious tracts.
Eat great gobs of it while listening to martial music. Watch The Clockwork Orange.
Use it to keep your father-in-law busy so that he doesn't remodel your entire house during his visit. (Note: This requires a lot of peanut butter. But so far I've kept him out of the bathroom... --Andy)
Instead of POGs, collect and play with peanut butter jar lids.
Eating peanut butter at ground zero... what a way to go!
Coat the inside of your dryer with it to cut down on the missing socks.
Form it into tiny, dimpled peanuts.
When serving snails, put peanut butter in the shells instead of the usual goop.
Coat your hands with it when breaking into a house, so that you won't leave fingerprints. Use jelly at the next house.
Plant flowers in it. See if they grow.
Dangle a little bit inside your hamster's exercise wheel, for extra incentive.
Instead of M&M therapy, use Peanut Butter therapy.
Dust the bookshelves with it.
Store your jewelry in it. No thief would think to look there.
Secretly add vitamins to it so your kids will get their proper nutrition.
Bookends.
Use it as an emergency tank when your fishbowl develops a leak.
Send a message in a bottle... or a jar, at any rate.
Have a peanut butter jar cemented into your wall instead of a safe.
Marry it.
Divorce it. Use the jelly as grounds.
Duct-tape it to a lightning rod. Wait for a storm.

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