PB2K: Uses 301-400

Uses 301-400

Submerge it in a mug of hot Swiss Miss.

Fill aluminum cans with it so that they weigh in heavier at the recycling plant.

Fill dirt.

Use in place of laundry detergent.

Air freshener.

Amazing flat tire sealant.

Use it as postage when you mail Dr. Johnson to Abu Dhabi with a return address in Tajikistan.

Use to pick up the dust from inside your computer.

Digitally integrate it into Descent III as the supreme Master Villain.

You don't wanna know.

"Tell us what we want to know or we feed you Peanut Butter with a switchblade"

Use it to re-ink printer ribbons.

Paint ball? Try Peanut Butter ball!!

Hit it with a laser, just for kicks.

Practical joke: Peanut Butter up the nose of sleeping victim.

Use it in place of Velcro.

Peanut Butter: The Art you can eat!

Use peanut butter in Hypercerebrostatic Electropsychodihemispheral Neurosadomassichiticulotitilitory Keneticodiscombobulatory Imulohydrolysistic Numboconiculosombrenomaltic Testing (HENKIN Testing)

Have freshmen stuff a full two layer peanut butter sandwich in their mouth for initiation. They can have nothing to drink.

Add Peanut Butter to the list of 101 Practical Puppet Team Prop Ideas.

Anybody remember the TV Game Show called "Double Dare" ?

Spread it on wedges of cheese.

Add it to the mouth of someone who likes to guffaw a bit too loudly.

Use it to sound-proof your dorm room.

Give it to Sesame Street's character the "Count" so he can break off and count bits of it indefinitely.

Play "kick the can" with full cans of PB.

Use as bug repellent.

Use as bait in insect trap.

Put it on someone's chair.

Eat it on an apple.

Ton of Peanut Butter (a Scorched Earth thing.)

If your alarm clock quits working...

Use it instead of hair spray.

Use it to numb wounds before applying stitches.

Fling spoonfuls into a fan to keep you cool in the summer.

Use it if you run out of ketchup.

Cover your eyes with it. Go wash in Winona Lake. See if you still need your glasses.

Who needs spitwads?

Pardon me while I pump more Peanut Butter into my athletic shoes. The ad says this is how to take control of my life. I paid $211.99 for these shoes...

Use it for mulch in your strawberry patch. Invading birds will get stuck.

Use it to break up the clots that cause heart attacks.

Cover up with a layer of it to keep warm on winter nights.

Sculpt it.

Keep some in your safety deposit box, just in case.

Buy a lot of it; bomb all the peanut-producing countries into oblivion; make a mint.

"Hi... My name is John... and I'm a peanut-butter addict." ... quot;Hi John."

Make LONG lists of things to do with it.

Tie-dye your underwear with it.

Tie-dye your swimwear with it. Go to the beach.

Snort it. Don't sue me.

Have a contest to see who can blow the most bubbles by blowing through a straw into a jar of peanut butter.

Mix it into your meatloaf when the price of beef rises.

Dip chicken nuggets in it.

Use it to keep the lettuce from falling of your sandwich.

Mix it with Nitroglycerin and feed it to small white mice. Release them on a golf course. Watch with binoculars.

Serve it in the cafeteria breaded and deep-fried.

Mix it with paraffin and make PB scented candles.

Dip notebook paper in it to make the off-brand equivalent of Puff's Plus with Lotion.

Use it as fake toe jam and gross people out by licking it.

Keeps contact lenses from falling out.

Shampoo the carpet in your dorm room with it. Expect a $50 fine.

Use it to muffle the sound of the ringer of the phone in the library computer lab.

Quench your thirst on a hot August day.

Use it as a sentient character in your comic book series.

Bury each other up to your armpits in it some sunny summer afternoon.

Take your date out for "Peanut Butter and a Movie."

Take close-up photographs of it. Scan them into your computer. Use sophisticated retouching software to make it look like a face. Print it on a milk carton.

Keep some hidden behind the refrigerator just in case.

Starch your socks with it.

Economical knee pads!

Name your new music group "Happy Peanut Butter."

Tell everyone that Peanut Butter "just has that certain Je ne sais quoi."

Use a little tune from a peanut butter advertisement as the cantis firmis for a piece of music you are composing. Call it the Misa Skippy.

Measure 1 cup of peanut butter into a large (clean) glass jar. Add 1 gallon of water. Seal it and let it soak for 3 weeks in a dark place undisturbed. Pour the water into small vials and sell it as "holy water."

Use it to make a cast of your foot so that you can buy the perfect-fitting shoes without taking your shoes off in the store.

Let your local T-ball league take swings at it.

When taking Greek, use it to help you learn about the genitive article.

Put it on your fingernails before you take a test to remind you not to bite your nails.

Pack it into the back end of your bathtub to form a waterproof pillow for when you take those long relaxing baths.

Use it as a temporary solution if you momentarily run out of Fuzzy Fuzz.

Keep some in your floppy disk case just in case.

Shoe shine.

Take the peanut butter from your hair
shake it loose and let it fall
lying soft against your skin
like the shadows on the wall...

(A Ray Stevens thing)

Use peanut butter to bludgeon Barney to death.

Spread it on Fuzzy Fuzz to make Sticky Fuzz.

Use it as a Ping-Pong ball or as a tennis ball.

Forget about ink blot tests; now we have peanut butter blob tests!

Administer the MBTI to peanut butter to see how it rates on the continua.

Talking to peanut butter for at least 20 minutes three times a week will improve your IQ.

Making friends with peanut butter will improve your health since most people do not like to eat their friends.

When the Tweedle Beetles Battle In the Peanut Butter Bottle using Peanut Butter Paddles While the Peanut Butter Bottle Bobbles in a Bowl on a Poodle Eating Noodles with Peanut Butter Batter, and the Tweedle Beetles Blow Bubbles in the Peanut Butter Bottle during Peanut Butter Battles, it's called a Tweedle Beetle Peanut Butter Bubble Bobble Bottle Poodle Noodle Batter Bowl Battle.
(Apologies to Dr. Seuss.)

When the Tweedle Beetles Battle In the Peanut Butter Bottle using Peanut Butter Paddles on the Poodle eating Noodles who Battles Tweetle Beetles in the Peanut Butter Bottle as it Bobbles in a Bowl on a Batch of Boiling Butter in the Peanut Butter Batter, where Tweedle Beetles Boggle and Blow Bubbles in the Butter where the Battle Bottle Bobbles, and it Boggles Beetles Tweedle that a Peanut Butter Paddle can battle with a Poodle when the Poodle's Eating Noodles in a Bobbing Battle Bottle in a batch of Boiling Butter on the Peanut Butter Batter during Peanut Butter Battles, THIS is what they call a Tweedle Beetle Peanut Butter Bobble Bottle Batter Boiling Bubble Butter Bowl Poodle Noodle Peanut Butter Paddle Battle. (Massive apologies to Dr. Seuss.)

Place a teaspoon of peanut butter on your tongue and see how long it takes to dissolve.

Notice that line 66 of this file column 6 is the beginning of the word "complexion." Use this fact to prove that person X is the antichrist where person X is whoever you want to prove is the antichrist. I recommend Saddam Hussein, Bill Clinton, Santa Claus or Bill Gates.

Use peanut butter to hire the "A-Team."

In the list above number 66 word six is the word "for." Base a cult on the premise that the antichrist will play golf and so no good Christian should.

If you do that, though, make an exception of the golf balls are made from peanut butter.

If you cannot get to the Laundromat and you run out of clean laundry wear peanut butter under your clothing to cover the smell.

Use it to hold the pages of your pad in place in Intro to Drawing when you turn the pad sideways.

Use it in place if eyedrops.

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