101. Get gum out of your hair with it.
102. Leave it in your hair and let people get very hungry from the smell.
103. Create hair sculptures.
104. Use it instead of massage oil.
105. Use it instead of KY. (Don't ask.)
106. Muffle your roommates stereo speakers.
107. No shaving cream? No problem!
108. Three words: Slip and Slide.
109. Get that tan you always wanted.
110. Put several cases in the back of your car for better winter traction.
111. Use it to bribe Nathan Eady to get up at 5:30 am and finish your Philosophy paper for you. (Note: This works! I've tried it!)
112. Grease doorknobs during freshman initiation.
113. No goldfish? Have a peanut butter swallowing contest!
114. Empty several jars into a toilet. Take bets about how long it will take the Physical Plant custodians to work up the nerve.
115. Can't throw a newly engaged guy in the lake because it's winter? Stuff his backside with peanut butter and force him to walk back from Miller field through the woods! (It has happened.)
116. Two words: Mud baths!
117. Replace salt licks with a healthier alternative.
118. Debate with Dr. Forbes about whether peanut butter is a God-created thing. (But not if its sin...)
119. Waterbed too bouncy? It's time for a refill......
120. Cover yourself in peanut butter. Claim you are decently clothed.
121. Wash your hair with it. This puts protein into your hair.
122. Color it. Use it as finger paint in children's church.
123. Color it. Use it in place of Play-Doh.
124. Use it in place of Super Poly Grip to hold your dentures in place.
125. Mud wrestling. Loser cleans up.... with his or her tongue.
126. Fill your oil pan with liquefied peanut butter. Go to Q-Lube and ask for an oil change.
127. Re-create the La Brea tar pits. Have your roommate demonstrate how difficult it must have been for the mammoths to move and breathe in a thick, oily substance.
128. At county fairs have local artists sculpt it in refrigerated display cases.
129. Secretly mix some in with a potter's clay. Commission a piece.
130. Go gourmet. Create and market itty bitty jars of gourmet flavored peanut butter. Include Amaretto, French Roast, French Vanilla and Mint Creme. When you make a million, I'll sue you and prove it was my idea.
131. Cover the parking lot with it. Do doughnuts.
132. Replace the dirt at racetracks with something a little more forgiving.
133. Fill the water pits on the 3000 meter steeplechase with peanut butter to give the runners both incentive and nutrition.
134. Insulate your home. Fill in window leaks and add a layer around hot water pipes.
135. Get an electric buffer. Polish the floor with it. The warm brown glow will add to any decor and the scent adds ambiance.
136. Drop it from an airplane to feed all the starving Americans.
137. Make those communion wafers much more palatable.
138. One word: Stucco.
139. Create a new way of cooking. Deep fry everything in peanut butter.
140. Keep those pesky trash can liners in place.
141. Attract all the ants and kill them all at once.
142. Eat it off of your lover's body.
143. Use it as a less destructive alternative to shaving cream when decorating a car.
144. New event: Peanut Butter Put. Guys throw an 18 ounce jar girls, 12 ounces.
145. Mix peanut butter jelly bread and ice in a blender. Market it as the PB&J Slurpee.
146. Create soft sculpted backgrounds for taking portraits.
147. Give a case to Jenn Case, just in case.
148. Who cares about the peanut butter? The jars make great storage containers.
149. Get revenge against the frat guys who build beer can walls. Build a peanut butter jar wall.
150. Write comparison & contrast papers in Effective Writing on the differences between Skippy and Jiffy.
151. Come up with better names for peanut butter brands.
152. Get out your alchemy set and try to turn it into gold.
153. Use it as a landing pad for track & field events.
154. Load large gobs of it into catapults and take aim.
155. In summer, cover a hillside with it. Try to ski.
156. Cover babies in it, especially the thumbs and toes. This will ensure adequate nutrition.
157. Put a large amount in a disposable diaper. Sit around in a public place eating it with a spoon. An undiapered infant nearby will heighten the effect.
158. End your roommate's snoring problem.... for good.
159. Dip your car in peanut butter. Tell the insurance agent it was an Act of God.
160. Do an Andy Warhol tribute; Paint 30 jars of peanut butter, 300 times.
161. Do a Jackson Pollock tribute; go to the airport and throw peanut butter into the jet blast of taxiing airliners.
162. Do a Christo tribute; cover several small islands in peanut butter.
163. Do a Degas tribute: "Drowning Dog-- In Peanut Butter" (Editor's Note: It should be noted that Drowning Dog is a painting, not something to do with a pet. Thanks. -A.)
164. Do a Jasper Johns tribute: Stick a coat hanger in a jar of peanut butter.
165. Drag naked women through it. Call it performance art.
166. Have yourself nailed to a cross of peanut butter jars. Seek shelter behind the first amendment.
167. Bury it.
168. Add chemicals to it. See if you can make it explode.
169. Use it for target practice.
170. Surprise your child at Christmas time with a few cases.
171. State in your will that you wish to be buried in peanut butter.
172. State in your will that you wish to be cremated and that your ashes be stored in a peanut butter jar.
173. Tell morbid stories about peanut butter to your little brother at bedtime.
174. Attempt to get peanut butter officially named as the state food.
175. The Peanut Butter Pit: the new penalty for not scanning your disks.
176. Coat the blackboard with it. See what you can make stick from the back of the classroom. Extra points for the computers; triple your score for a lab assistant automatic win if it's Nathan Case.
177. Have a good old fashioned food fight.
178. Keep it between the folds in your skin for "safe keeping."
179. Arrange it in many different poses and photograph it. Be creative.
180. Use it as a nasal decongestant. It may also be good as an asthma-inhaler refill.
181. Sniff it if you run out of cocaine.
182. Use it to keep your earphone in place.
183. Swish it back and forth between your teeth.
184. Make slogans about peanut butter and use them during a political campaign.
185. Bait fish hooks.
186. Shoot it out of a cannon.
187. Videotape it. Watch it in slo-mo.
188. Spread it on cancerous lumps as a special form of chemotherapy.
189. Design an aerobic workout fitness machine called the PB2000 that uses peanut butter in its hydraulic systems and enables the user to "burn the equivalent of 2000 grams of peanut butter in a 45-minute workout!" Create an infomercial featuring a dozen extremely thin and scantily clad models (most of them female) eating loads of peanut butter while exercising on the PB2000. Explain that the PB2000 folds nicely and fits in a standard-size briefcase. Cut me in on the profits.
190. Expose it to radiation until it glows in the dark. Sell it to fourth graders as "secret army rations."
191. Drop it into the bathroom stall if you don't have the nerve to actually "sky dump."
192. Soak cucumbers in it for three weeks along with dill and 14 other spices. PB Pickles!
193. Use it if you run out of deodorant.
194. Eat microwaved (warmed) peanut butter right before you sing a solo. Wash it down with warm milk.
195. Make tunnels and houses for your gerbils out of the (almost) empty peanut butter jars.
196. When going to a job interview wear peanut butter inside your underwear for good luck.
197. Make Christmas tree decorations out of it.
198. Do a biology experiment to bring peanut butter to LIFE! BwwaHaHaHaHa!!!
199. String clumps of it onto yarn to make a necklace.
200. Inject it under your skin with a hypodermic needle for a "cheap high."

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© 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002 Andy Kerr and Nathan Eady. All rights reserved. Last updated December 29, 2003